Dates too Drunk

What to do after your date gets too drunk?

Q. I’ve been out a couple of dates with this new guy I’m seeing. He’s pretty cool overall, but the last time we hung out, he got totally liquored up during dinner and acted like a complete ass. I had no idea what to do and ended up just putting up with it until our meal was over, declined going out for more drinks afterwards, and went home. He’s left me a couple of nonchalant messages since, but I’m kind of put off by it. What’s the verdict – is he a total loser?

A. Given the fact you’ve only been on one date, it’s probably not appropriate to quiz him too hard on his alcohol use – and even then, he still might not be able to paint you a true picture of his habits. So – don’t ignore it, but gently does it. Do you have mutual friends from whom you might be able to tactfully enquire as to his normal behaviour? If so, you should be able to get a good idea if this is a ‘red flag’ for the future. If not, then in this situation, you really need to use your instinct and objectivity.

It’s hard not to jump to conclusions when you see your new guy get sloshed in such an inappropriate way. However, he may very well be an occasional drinker who accidentally went past his limit – it can happen – especially if he was drinking on an empty stomach or was taking medication that contra-indicates with booze. But then again, he could just as easily be one of those guys that go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in a matter of a few pints.

Now that you’ve got a glimpse into what he’s like under the influence, you need to ask yourself how it made you feel about him as prospective boyfriend. If booze is a potential issue for him, unless he swears off the spirits for good, he might ‘accidentally’ end up acting like that at other inopportune situations, or wind up getting himself into a lot of trouble – could you handle seeing someone like that?

Alcoholism is a disease with destructive effects both on the user and those closest to him. It is also a progressive disease, meaning that it has a tendency of creeping into all aspects of one’s life very stealthily, to the point that the drinker no longer realizes it’s true hold on them. What you need to be aware of is, if his drinking is an occasional thing that simply makes him jovial – or if it’s a crutch that he’s got an actual dependence on?

Ultimately, you might just need to go with your gut on this one. Because the events of the other night could have been just a one-off thing, if you do give him another shot, don’t hesitate to bring up what he did – if he doesn’t do so himself. Say something like, “I wasn’t sure whether I could go out with you again after seeing how you got the other night”, and give him a chance to explain. Whatever you do, don’t ignore what happened – letting sleeping dogs lie with a person who might be harboring a silent addiction could spell disaster if the two of you wind up falling for each other. 

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.