Fingering Pain

Fingering pain and advice on first time.
Q. Whenever my boyfriend tries to finger me, it hurts like crazy because I am so dang tight. Is there any possible way to fix this so it doesn’t hurt so much? (Tiny tampons hurt really badly too). Second, my boyfriend and I really care about each other, and we have come really close to having sex before, but we both agree that we’re scared of any consequences that might happen. We both want to make love though and our hormones are driving us crazy, but he has never pressured me to do anything. We’re also both virgins. Any advice on this?

 

A. The likeliest cause is probably a combination of nervousness and Vaginal Dryness. You and your boyfriend are embarking upon a physical relationship that may or may not include having sex. By the sound of it, you’re experiencing all of the normal feelings that go along with it such as anxiety …such as fear of what happens when you do – and of course, the struggle to control your powerful sexual urges.  All the stuff that’s going through your mind while you’re being intimate with your boyfriend can prove to be very distracting and, at times, quite unnerving. These running thoughts will have a big impact on your ability to relax and be ‘in the moment’, so much so that it takes away from your ability get aroused and adequately lubricated. Sure, some of this will subside once you get more comfortable with him and with your own body, but for the most part it is simply learning to set aside distracting thoughts in favor of the delights of sexual intimacy; this ability will serve you throughout your entire sexual life. With that said, there are a couple of things you can do to deal with the dryness in the meantime. Number one: lube, lube, lube. It is the best sexual accessory you’ll ever own. Tampons are naturally quite dry, so try using a good quality, water based lubricant to ease the insertion. Apply a small amount at the opening of the vagina and use a finger to spread some of that up inside and around the canal. The same principle applies to Fingering. Apply the lube on yourself and on your boyfriend’s fingers before he gets to work. Once you get into this practice, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much easier it is to enjoy the pleasant sensations of fingering, provided his technique is gradual and gentle. The second tip that will help is to practice plenty of Foreplay before going below the belt. Agreeing to take it slow will give you the reassurance you need to get relaxed and thoroughly in the mood, so much so that by the time his fingers migrate down south, you’ll be too swept up in the moment to worry about anything else. Finally, check out our article on ‘Her First Time’ for more thoughts on this topic…

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