Too Loose

I’ve become too loose!

Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and my problem – if you can call it that – is that he’s very well endowed. When we first got together, I was just so tight and it would hurt when he entered me. Now, I don’t feel any power over my vaginal muscles and there is no friction at all, and I know this is affecting our sex life. I get extremely wet which doesn’t help at all either. I used to be a dancer for 7 years and stopped at the same time that I got in this relationship … do you think that maybe this played a part in these muscles getting loose? Or could it be from all the times we would push to have sex even though it wasn’t comfortable for me? Please help as my sexual confidence has really taken a hit.

A. A lifestyle that includes regular physical activity and healthy eating habits plays a big part in the promotion of a healthy sexual relationship, but then again there are plenty of people who have very satisfying sex lives who aren’t dancers or big time athletes. Seeing as you haven’t mentioned your sexual history prior to meeting your boyfriend, it is difficult to accurately assess your situation, but there may be any of a number of issues contributing to your situation.

It’s very common to experience insecurity or anxiety during the first few months of a new sexual relationship, and when you couple this state of mind with being nervous about your boyfriend’s package being too big, it generally leads to constriction in the vaginal muscles, in some cases causing pain and irritation. This sort of thing doesn’t get better overnight either. In your case, not only did you have to get over anticipating pain, but you’ve had to overcome it and find strategies to be intimate with your man without clamping shut.

At present day, it appears you’ve become a lot more comfortable with your sexual partner, so much so that you are now able to get sufficiently wet (and then some) and can even relax your vaginal muscles enough to accommodate his well-endowed penis. This is a quite the opposite situation from what you encountered at the beginning of the relationship, but this has simply replaced one problem with another.

Although vaginal wetness is desirable when it comes to intercourse, being too wet does reduce a certain amount of friction needed for optimal sensations, so if it continues to be a problem during sex try drying off his penis (and around your labia) with a towel to remove any excess.

Also, if you feel like you don’t have good control over your vaginal muscles, there are ways to boost their grip. The simplest method is to get on a regular program of Kegel Exercises. You can augment this practice by using weighted Kegel exercisers that are available either in a ball shape like Lelo’s Luna Pleasure Beads, or a weighted barbell like Natural Contours’ Energie. Although these products are designed to improve vaginal tone, you can use practically any insertable toy to achieve this end.

If these solutions don’t work adequately for you, then speak to your medical practitioner for further individual advice.

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